it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
COCAINE IS GR8
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
