Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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