Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
