Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
