im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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