Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize