yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize