woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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