He told me they were just razor bumps!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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