Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
