I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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