Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
