Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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