Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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