PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
