So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
