Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
