dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There are leaves in my underwear?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
