I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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