I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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