we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
