how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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