do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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