i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize