Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
