I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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