My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
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