it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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