the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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