Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
