Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
