Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize