i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
