I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize