Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
