you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
