youre lurking in front of me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize