i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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