Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i came on her dog
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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