I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize