She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
