I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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