We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
