I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize