can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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