so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize