Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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