drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
