He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
