just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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