Acid is not a monday night drug
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
