He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
