we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
