some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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