You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
