You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
