Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
