he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
