Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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