You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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