I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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