Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
