so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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