the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
