God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
