i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
