I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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