therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
