I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
