i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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