The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
