this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
