I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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