I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
