Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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