David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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