I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
