You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
