He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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