I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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