so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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