thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
