I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
