and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
