But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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