I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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