I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
