chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
