I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
