yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize