I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
