How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
