i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
