one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
