You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
