i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
