Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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