so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
