Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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