Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
