you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
