Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
