i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
