I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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