after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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