We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
