I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
