I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
