No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
