I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
